Correspondence course

Dear neighbor across the street,

It's just so...so...BIG! No, really, it's huge. That is one impressive TV you've got there, and you should be quite proud to have it. Now please close your drapes, because I can see your big TV even when my living-room blinds are closed. If I wanted to watch football games and Casino Royale with you, I'd nurture a social acquaintance and wait to be invited.

Cordially,

Anithe

Dear Automated Bill Collection Service,

This is no longer Dennis E.'s phone number. Please stop the thrice-weekly calls. I am mightily sick of having to press 9 and stay on hold forever until a live service rep picks up, apologizes profusely, and promises to clear my phone number from the database.

Irritatedly,

Anithe

Dear Dennis E.,

Being in debt is difficult, I know. Good luck with getting your bills paid. And get your phone number updated in everyone's database too.

Encouragingly,

Anithe

Dear Boy Wonder and Action Hero,

Naps are not a sign of weakness, and they really help to cut down on late-afternoon crankiness. Try to take them once in a while, 'kay?

Lovingly,

Mommy

Dear self,

Before using the large skillet for cooking, remember to wash it well; Action Hero was playing with pots and pans yesterday, and did a little dance in it wearing his outside shoes. (Not that you'll be likely to forget that, since it was awfully cute.)

Amusedly,

Anithe