The batman cometh

Bat Exclusion has begun around here, and I can't tell you how happy I am about that. Technically, the bats may have been excluded by now, but Batman generally likes to give them two full weeks to vacate the premises.

I had better explain that.

Right around a month ago, I saw a bat in the basement. At least, I was pretty sure it was a bat. It was flying too smoothly, and too darned fast, to be a bird (or, at least, to be the type of bird that's common around here; besides, there weren't any big splats of white on the floor). I went upstairs and told Dragon that there was something flying around in the basement, and he did his darndest to try to convince me that it was a bird. Or a really, really big moth ("We're not living in the tropical rainforest!" I said). Or, if it was a bat, it was, in fact, in my belfry, and did not actually exist. I was unimpressed, and soon we donned hats and gloves and took a flashlight down to the basement. We did not, however, find anything.

The next day, I e-mailed the local bat conservatory, careful not to phrase things in an "OH MY GOD I SAW A BAT GET IT OUT OF HERE NOW!" way. It's a conservatory; these people like bats. (Of course they do; they've had all their shots. The people, I mean.) I described the situation, asked if they thought it was likely that I had seen a bat, and if so, what I could do about that. A nice lady called back, and, unfortunately, responded very much in the affirmative. "Probably one of these guys," she said. "In Wisconsin, they're generally coming out of hibernation right now. They prefer attics in winter, but once the weather warms up and they wake up, they sometimes like basements due to the warmth and humidity." Yeah, my basement is a little more humid than I would like. Rain, rain, go away. Anyway. She also said that she thought it highly unlikely that I'd see the bat again, as he was probably about as thrilled to see me as I was to see him (and yes, it probably was a him; females of that species tend to send the guys out for groceries), but that since I have young children, I would probably want to contact a licensed professional about doing an exclusion.

Boy, did I ever. So I checked the list on their Web site and called Batman, who stopped by a few days later and confirmed that yes, we probably did have a few of those guys hanging out, and had for a while, probably since well before the previous owners of Charming Bungalow moved away...and the previous owners, being older and perhaps harder of hearing, and not needing to do late-night laundry, probably hadn't even been aware of them. So he explained the process. Which I will now detail, just for you. Oh, you're not interested? Too bad. Neither was I, really, until I saw a BAT in my BASEMENT. If I had to learn about it, you can too.

Basically, bats are protected, and exclusions must be humane. So, the exclusion specialists determine where the bats are entering and leaving the house (usually through a small gap on the roof or near the chimney), put up a one-way door, like capped PVC tubing or some sort of netting, over their main entrance, and seal up all other openings. The bats will be able to leave through the one-way door, but will not be able to get back in, and will find somewhere else to crash during the day. Hopefully. In Wisconsin, this needs to be done by the end of May, when bats generally celebrate Mother's Day. Baby bats cannot fly, and would not be able to leave, putting them in an inhumane situation. And I did not want to wait the whole summer long until the baby bats could fly. Especially since, once they do begin flying, they sometimes get lost and go whizzing around the house, frantically looking for a way out.

So Batman came; this confused Boy Wonder a bit. ("Not that Batman, honey. A different one.") He had a Brag Binder with him, which I rather enjoyed. I think all independent businesses must have these: photos, documents, or other memorabilia of well-known, rich, or otherwise noteworthy clients. In this case, it was mostly photos of fancy homes that he'd performed exclusions on; one belonged to a famous actress. ("So this is meant to make us not feel so bad about having bats, right?") Dragon was concerned, saying, "But if he's in such demand and working for famous people, why is he coming to OUR house? Or charging us more?" I tried to reassure him, explaining my Brag Binder philosophy. I assume that he works on regular houses the majority of the time, but they don't end up in the binder; it's not all that impressive to say, "And look, I did an exclusion on this little three-bedroom down the street! And here's a garage where bats were roosting. And a barn, too!" Much grander to keep a photo of the fancy historic mansion downtown, even if it's a Polaroid. Anyway. He came and started the exclusion last Friday, and we now have two one-way doors on roof sections and a bunch of other sealed-up cracks. In another week, he will come remove the doors and seal the openings. ("Did Batman come to take the bat away? He did a good job! I never even SAW a bat, Mommy! He did a great job!")

I sure hope he did, and that they will be gone soon, if they're not already. Bat-free is the way to be! Whee! Whee! Whee! Ahem. Naturally, Boy Wonder has recently become entranced with all things Batman (the one with the cape, not the one with the Brag Binder), and is now the proud owner of Batman pajamas, Batman underwear, and Batman sheets and pillowcases.

Perhaps those will serve as protective talismans.