Double grossness

Brought to you by Gross Moments in Parenting, Volume MCXLD, Chapter 57: Noses and Their Contents. Anithe & Co., var. dates from 2003 to present.

When I came up with the joke citation above, I had no idea I was going to get so much mileage out of it. Ha.

When Boy Wonder was about the age Action Hero is now, he paused during dinner and said, "Oh, no. Corn! Nose!" and we spend a wild few minutes extracting a large kernel of corn from his nose. He did not enjoy it, and has (so far) not repeated the trick.

Last Sunday, Action Hero decided that it was his turn in that particular spotlight, and, as we were having macaroni and cheese for lunch, he suddenly paused, looked thoughtful, and pointed at his plate of noodles. He said, "In nose," and then nodded sagely. (Hey, at least I have informative kids.)

"Action Hero. Is there a noodle in your nose?"

"Yes." (another earnest nod)

"Okay, tilt your head back and let me take a look...hey, what do you know. There is." (turning around) "Hey! Dragon! What did we do when Boy Wonder put corn up his nose?"

"Why?"

"Oh, you know, no reason. No, because Action Hero has food in his nose now."

Anyway. For some reason, Action Hero understands the concept of nose-blowing slightly better than Boy Wonder did at that age, and the noodle was rather smaller than a corn kernel, so all was well a few minutes later.

Gross Moments in Parenting also presents the following special bonus section, When Fingernails Detach! We hope you enjoy it as much as...uh, wait. No one's enjoying this. Never mind. Here, have a gross story.

Several weeks ago, as I was in the basement doing laundry, I heard earsplitting shrieks from the first floor, and ran upstairs to find Action Hero saying, "Owie finger! Pinch door! OWWIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! WAHH!" And my, there were tears. And I said, "Aw, honey, did you pinch...DAMN. You sure did." For lo, he had been sitting at the foot of the steps, and gotten his thumb stuck in the door hinge; his little cuticle was a bloody mess and the thumbnail was quickly turning purple. Ice, lots of hugs, and eventually a Spiderman bandaid, complete with antibiotic ointment, were applied, and he recovered (although he burst into tears every time he looked at his hand for the next three hours). The finger healed nicely over the next week, but the nail looked pretty grody, and had gotten worse over the past couple of days. No more bruising, but it looked all dry and weird.

Today he came running up to me shouting, "Owie, owie! Finger owie pinch!" And I was like, "Um, yeah, you pinched your finger last month, but it should be all bet...oh, MAN. Let me take a look at that." For lo, his little thumbnail is now only attached in one upper corner, and the rest has detached itself from the nail bed. Whoo! Fingernail-falling-off action! In the absence of having any idea on what to do, as I've never incurred such a fingernail event, we wrapped it in a Band-aid (Elmo this time) and spent much of the evening meal watching him tell himself sternly, "Leave bannaid. No touch! Leave lone!"

In conclusion, yech. (But it could be worse. I haven't gotten to Hey! Fevers Can Make Your Kid Barf! Who Knew? yet.)