Welcome to the Hotel (in) California.

I'm hoping that the above is a phrase that Dragon will be hearing sometime tonight, before too much more time passes; he's off to California to visit a friend, and called from the airport earlier this evening to say that his flight was delayed. I hope it's not delayed too long; he enjoys flying about as much as I enjoy finding a bat in the basement, so sitting in an airport is rather stress-inducing for him.

Speaking of things that induce stress...well, four-year-olds are crazy. At least mine is. Lately he's been having more mood swings and "unpredictable" behavior than Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan combined. One minute he's cheerfully waving Mickey Mouse in front of Action Hero, singing "Mickey Mickey you're so fine! You're so fine Mickey Mickey! Here, Action Hero, let's play Mickey! And cars!" And then he is flinging himself on the floor, howling about how he does not want to go to bed, ever again. Actually, he never wants to go anywhere lately. He's very much in a "the grass is greener" phase; he'll ask where we are going, I'll tell him, and without fail, the response is, "I don't WANT to go there! I want to go SOMEWHERE ELSE!" Even if we're on the way to Grandma's house, which, as the place where root beer, apple juice, and fruit-flavored snacks can be had simply for the asking, generally rates as a favorite.

Example, from today's drive home:

"Blah blah blah blah need to get home so we can give Daddy hugs and kisses before he rides the airplane to California!"

"I don't WANT to go home!"

"Well, where do you want to go?"

"The doughnut store!"

"Oh, haha! We don't have doughnuts for dinner!"

"NOOOOOOOOOWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHH." (cue noisy tears) "I don't WANNA go home to home or anyfing I WANNA GO TO THE DOUGHNUT STORE AND GET DONUTS FOR BREAK....BREAK....BREAFIST!" (more noisy tears)

"Calm down, hon. I think Grandma will probably have some doughnuts at her house tomorrow."

"NO NO NO I DON'T EVER WANT TO GO TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE AGAIN NEVER! I ONLY WANT TO GO TO THE DOUGHNUT STORE!"

I am usually at a loss about what to do when he designates a particular event, conversation, or observation as Something to Freak Out About. Obviously, if we're in the car, there's not a lot I can do (other than keep my eyes on the road even as my car begins to sound like an entire three-ring circus is taking place inside it); I just wait for the tantrum to pass, and he'll either fall asleep mid-sentence or fall silent for a few minutes and then continue whatever surreal monologue preceded the tantrum. At home, it's more difficult, particularly since he frequently stages screamfests at bedtime, when he's so tired he can't see straight yet refusing to admit it. (Side note: I don't just have one child who does this. After 9PM, Action Hero also tips over, giggles, stands up and waves cheerily, and then trips again. But he's not tired, of course...) It's hard to avoid getting frustrated at these times; as an adult, I know that he's utterly exhausted, and an exhausted kid flipping out over what color his toothpaste is is rather run-of-the-mill. However, as an adult, I think, "He's TIRED. Why can't he just admit that, lie down, and go to sleep already?" And the four-year-old mind just doens't work that way; it just tries to come up with more ways to keep Mommy in the room, and throwing a ferocious tantrum does the trick.

Working on that. Will keep you posted. Meantime, if you happen to live near me, buy earplugs. Boy Wonder can scream loudly, and my New Year's resolution about not yelling at him so much is going horribly.