The annotated home

Everybody sing!

In the first week of residence, my new house gave to me
A garage with a padlock, not a key.*

In the first week of residence, my new house gave to me
Two clogged drains
And a dad who snaked them out for free.**

In the first week of residence, my new house gave to me
Three dirty floors
Two leaky faucets
And some locksmith guys who came to re-key.***

In the first week of residence, my new house gave to me
Four new appliances****
A third leaky faucet
Two smallish closets
And a guy installing cable TV.*****

In the first week of residence, my new house gave to me
A BASEMENT GAS LEAK
Four trips to Home Depot
Three trips to Menard's
Two trips to Target
And a credit card that wept, "Stop using me!"******

In the first week of residence, my new house gave to me
Six cans of paint
A BASEMENT GAS LEAK
A wet basement floor
(But at least the floor drain works)
Two wet feet
And a centipede as big as a tree.*******

In the first week of residence, my new house gave to me
Seven garden tools
(Found in the garage)
A BASEMENT GAS LEAK
Fifty billion boxes
Lots of misplaced things
Several strong curse words
And a thousand prayers to St. Anthony.********

I am totally running out of steam now. Perhaps I'll see what verses present themselves over the next several weeks.


*Fortunately, Dragon pointed this out before I had a chance to lock myself in the garage. The side garage door now features a proper doorknob that can be opened from the inside.
**Boy, have I got a nice dad.
***And had to come back for their toolbox, after they left it in the middle of the living room floor.
****And we only had to pay for two! The other two were purchased to be sold with the home.
*****"Hi, I'm Boy Wonder. How are you doing today? The Disney Channel is broken. So is Mommy and Daddy's bomputers. You are here to fix them?" Also, the cable guy left a large box of cabling here. He has so far not come back to retrieve it.
******Some things (like sobbing credit cards?) you just can't buy. For everything else, like the 5,637 things you need upon purchasing a house that was built in 1924, there's MasterCard.
*******OK, so it wasn't quite that big. It was big enough, though. The shriek/WHAP combination is big around here these days.
********Who totally rocks. Why, just this week, St. Anthony has helped me locate glasses, keys, and buckles for the high chair.