Brought to you by Gross Moments in Parenting, Volume MCXLD, Chapter 57: Noses and Their Contents. Anithe & Co., var. dates from 2003 to present.
When I came up with the joke citation above, I had no idea I was going to get so much mileage out of it. Ha.
When Boy Wonder was about the age Action Hero is now, he paused during dinner and said, "Oh, no. Corn! Nose!" and we spend a wild few minutes extracting a large kernel of corn from his nose. He did not enjoy it, and has (so far) not repeated the trick.
Last Sunday, Action Hero decided that it was his turn in that particular spotlight, and, as we were having macaroni and cheese for lunch, he suddenly paused, looked thoughtful, and pointed at his plate of noodles. He said, "In nose," and then nodded sagely. (Hey, at least I have informative kids.)
"Action Hero. Is there a noodle in your nose?"
"Yes." (another earnest nod)
"Okay, tilt your head back and let me take a look...hey, what do you know. There is." (turning around) "Hey! Dragon! What did we do when Boy Wonder put corn up his nose?"
"Why?"
"Oh, you know, no reason. No, because Action Hero has food in his nose now."
Anyway. For some reason, Action Hero understands the concept of nose-blowing slightly better than Boy Wonder did at that age, and the noodle was rather smaller than a corn kernel, so all was well a few minutes later.
Gross Moments in Parenting also presents the following special bonus section, When Fingernails Detach! We hope you enjoy it as much as...uh, wait. No one's enjoying this. Never mind. Here, have a gross story.
Several weeks ago, as I was in the basement doing laundry, I heard earsplitting shrieks from the first floor, and ran upstairs to find Action Hero saying, "Owie finger! Pinch door! OWWIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! WAHH!" And my, there were tears. And I said, "Aw, honey, did you pinch...DAMN. You sure did." For lo, he had been sitting at the foot of the steps, and gotten his thumb stuck in the door hinge; his little cuticle was a bloody mess and the thumbnail was quickly turning purple. Ice, lots of hugs, and eventually a Spiderman bandaid, complete with antibiotic ointment, were applied, and he recovered (although he burst into tears every time he looked at his hand for the next three hours). The finger healed nicely over the next week, but the nail looked pretty grody, and had gotten worse over the past couple of days. No more bruising, but it looked all dry and weird.
Today he came running up to me shouting, "Owie, owie! Finger owie pinch!" And I was like, "Um, yeah, you pinched your finger last month, but it should be all bet...oh, MAN. Let me take a look at that." For lo, his little thumbnail is now only attached in one upper corner, and the rest has detached itself from the nail bed. Whoo! Fingernail-falling-off action! In the absence of having any idea on what to do, as I've never incurred such a fingernail event, we wrapped it in a Band-aid (Elmo this time) and spent much of the evening meal watching him tell himself sternly, "Leave bannaid. No touch! Leave lone!"
In conclusion, yech. (But it could be worse. I haven't gotten to Hey! Fevers Can Make Your Kid Barf! Who Knew? yet.)
Monday, June 16, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
The sincerest form of flattery
Action Hero loves to push and pull various objects throughtout the house, enacting different scenarios as he does so. He will pick up my keys, jump on his ride-along car, and say, "Bye Mommy! I drive car! See morrow!" and spend the next few minutes tooling around the house, bidding us all cheery farewells. Or he will push a chair around and announce that he is riding a rocketship, and bid us all cheery farewells. Or he will put on a backpack, grab my keys, and announce that he is going to school (bidding us all cheery farewells, of course).
Because it is nearly summer here, and because we have had approximately 90 zillion inches of rain recently, the grass has gone crazy and Dragon had to cut it yesterday. Apparently, this and previous mowing observation made quite an impression on Action Hero, as this morning found him pushing around a rolling Spiderman backpack saying, "I cuttin grass, Mommy! Cuttin grass!" Sadly, the camera was not available.
Because it is nearly summer here, and because we have had approximately 90 zillion inches of rain recently, the grass has gone crazy and Dragon had to cut it yesterday. Apparently, this and previous mowing observation made quite an impression on Action Hero, as this morning found him pushing around a rolling Spiderman backpack saying, "I cuttin grass, Mommy! Cuttin grass!" Sadly, the camera was not available.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
When the muse strikes...
There's half a tree on my neighbor's garage. There's a bunch of water on my basement floor. Action Hero threw a block at Boy Wonder, leaving a small owie under his eye. Then Action Hero put a macaroni noodle up his nose.
Excuse me, I have to go write a country song now.
Excuse me, I have to go write a country song now.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Night terrors
Or, The Curious Incident of the Punch in the Night-time.
The scene: Charming Bungalow. It is 3:45 in the morning, and our heroine Anithe wakes (probably from a weird dream; those have been prevalent lately) to the sound of a crying Action Hero.
Action Hero: Mommy! Mommy!
Me: What's wrong, honey? (picks him up and hugs him)
Action Hero: Boyboy punch me in da EYE! Da EYE!
Me: Uh. There, there. (looks across the room at Boy Wonder, soundly asleep and snoring gently) But you know, I think that was a dream.
Action Hero: (sniffle) DWEEM! Puncha da eye. (sniffle)
Me: Uh-huh. Well, come sleep on my shoulder for a while, 'kay?
So, why is my two-year-old dreaming about his brother punching him in da eye, anyway? Since we don't actually run around punching each other in the eyes at our house.
Theory 1: Well, why not? He and Boy Wonder have been having small tugs of war over toys, and Boy Wonder, being both larger and more possessive, frequently yanks toys away. Plus Action Hero accidentally whacked Boy Wonder in the eye the other day, as both of them ran up the stairs (it really was accidental, Boy Wonder was behind him and Action Hero was just Racing with Big Brother, a favored activity in these parts). Boy Wonder then said, "My eye! My eye!" and needed much consolation.
Theory 2: You may have seen dogs and cats do all sorts of wacky things - kick, make running motions with their paws, or shake their heads - in their sleep? Well, kids do the same thing. From my vast experience as a parent of two behaviorally quite similar children, the smaller they are, the more they twitch, flail, and make amusing facial expressions. It is likely that Action Hero flailed in his sleep, whacking himself in the eye and startling awake, and his small sleepy brain concluded that the only other person in the room was to blame.
The scene: Charming Bungalow. It is 3:45 in the morning, and our heroine Anithe wakes (probably from a weird dream; those have been prevalent lately) to the sound of a crying Action Hero.
Action Hero: Mommy! Mommy!
Me: What's wrong, honey? (picks him up and hugs him)
Action Hero: Boyboy punch me in da EYE! Da EYE!
Me: Uh. There, there. (looks across the room at Boy Wonder, soundly asleep and snoring gently) But you know, I think that was a dream.
Action Hero: (sniffle) DWEEM! Puncha da eye. (sniffle)
Me: Uh-huh. Well, come sleep on my shoulder for a while, 'kay?
So, why is my two-year-old dreaming about his brother punching him in da eye, anyway? Since we don't actually run around punching each other in the eyes at our house.
Theory 1: Well, why not? He and Boy Wonder have been having small tugs of war over toys, and Boy Wonder, being both larger and more possessive, frequently yanks toys away. Plus Action Hero accidentally whacked Boy Wonder in the eye the other day, as both of them ran up the stairs (it really was accidental, Boy Wonder was behind him and Action Hero was just Racing with Big Brother, a favored activity in these parts). Boy Wonder then said, "My eye! My eye!" and needed much consolation.
Theory 2: You may have seen dogs and cats do all sorts of wacky things - kick, make running motions with their paws, or shake their heads - in their sleep? Well, kids do the same thing. From my vast experience as a parent of two behaviorally quite similar children, the smaller they are, the more they twitch, flail, and make amusing facial expressions. It is likely that Action Hero flailed in his sleep, whacking himself in the eye and startling awake, and his small sleepy brain concluded that the only other person in the room was to blame.
